cherry on halloween!

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spilling my guts

dear diary, 

*tw - low self esteem, mentions of weight vaguely

- i am really negative in this so if you’re trying to protect your peace and skip this one, i totally understand, love you!

i really try my hardest not to let negativity seep into my mind, but im human just like everyone else. 

i just got my pictures done for work and i love them but hate how i look. my friend took the photos and she did an amazing job, i just hate my face. 

the face my parents gave me. the soft jawline my mom had, but it was so beautiful on her, why do i hate it on me? 

it’s funny how we can see our parents and think they look great, but not ourselves, even when we are a mixture of them. 

i love that i’m starting to look more like my mom who has passed, but why do i still look in the mirror and not like what i see? am i calling my mom ugly? i would never. 

maybe it’s simply the fact that it’s me. that no matter what i look like at 23, i will always compare it to 16. but why do i compare myself to a child? i am a woman, who has a woman body, and a woman face. 

my husband says i look great, but isn’t he supposed to say that lol? i quietly wonder if he’s disappointed in how my body has changed. i have fluctuated very different numbers during our relationship in terms of weight. like night and day differences. i’m working on getting back to a healthier weight and my body has started to change in ways that i like. i’ve received compliments. why is it never enough for me? 

i’ll get my hair done and my best friend literally nails it perfectly, yet i still feel ugly. i got my makeup done for my photoshoot, everyone said it was so gorgeous and i still felt ugly.

there’s always a catch to things i like about myself. i hate the shape of my face. it’s a heart shape, which should be attractive but my face is big. i have a big ass, but my legs and stomach are also big. i am strong, but my arms aren’t toned so it’s ugly to me. my haircut fits my face very well, but it only cooperates like once a week. every positive thing about my appearance has a catch in my eyes. 

nobody in my life necessarily makes me feel this way. my friends compliment me plenty, i have been flirted with in public and i turn them down. my husband’s coworkers tell him i’m hot. why do i not believe any of them? i feel confident sometimes, then i see photos of myself. my double chin is constantly there. that’s my least favorite part. 

i see my friends who are effortlessly beautiful. victoria is gorgeous, with a beautiful frame, face, hair… even when her hair is greasy and she doesn’t have a lick of makeup on, she can make an entire room stop and stare. at least i do. audrey, kyliegh, all of them. 

i think what will suck is when we start having children, which is sooner than later. i will likely hate my body, even if i get it to a good place before conceiving. logically, i know that women's bodies change, especially as a young adult and during motherhood. emotionally, that doesn't seem to matter.

i have zero trouble finding the beauty in others. some women are pretty like flowers, others are pretty like christmas lights. both look very different, but both so so lovely. why do i view myself as neither? i can talk someone through their insecurities and make them feel loved in a way nobody has ever made them feel before. i give so much, 110%, and most of humanity doesn't give that back. i think that's what hurts the most. 

sorry for such a negative post, i tend to stay positive no matter what but i am unfortunately human. i have diagnosed pmdd, which is premenstrual dysphoric disorder. in an oversimplified way, it's PMS times two, 1-2 weeks before your period. once you start bleeding, you go back to normal. i also am a little nervous for my mri. by the time this is posted, it will have already happened. i don't think anything is wrong with my head, but the mri is just to make sure. what if something is wrong and none of the stupid shit i mentioned above will even matter? isn't it so weird how priorities can shift in a millisecond? my pmdd is much worse in the colder months, so i think this is my lovely introduction to late fall.

i know my husband will stand by me no matter what. i have found my person for real, but doubt creeps in. insecurity warps this perception of perfection. i know my friends love me, and that i have such an amazing situation at 23 years old. i feel awful for being unhappy sometimes. i have pretty much everything i've ever wanted right now. i get upset for being upset, but if it was someone else telling me this, i would tell them that we are human, and it's okay to be upset for no seemingly apparent reason. 

if you've read this far, i hope that if you feel this way, you don't feel alone, because clearly you're not. i would hug you, tell you how absolutely beautiful inside and out you are. i would tell you how i love the way your hair falls effortlessly in the perfect position, how you always have the cutest smile lines, and how your eyes have this look in them that are irresistible. i would tell you that the way you greet me makes my day a little better, and how your laugh echoes in the best way. i hope someone sees those little things about me that would make me beautiful. 

i just word-vomit all over the page. i hope this makes sense. thank you for reading. 

love,

cherry

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5 hot takes as an esthetician

 hey pretty girls ♡

i have a love-hate relationship with the fact that skincare is trendy. i love that everyone is interested, but this allows influencers to just say whatever online, and they are notttt qualified to give skincare advise..

here's me addressing some buzzwords i've seen on social media.

DISCLAIMER!!! if you do any of these and it works for you, COOL! you do you bestie! as long as you're not hurting your skin, idc! love ya!

1.) beef tallow

soooo i did a deep-ish dive on beef tallow because i got in an argument with someone over it (LOL). lemme explain what it is, what's good about it, and why i would never recommend it to a client personally.

what even is beef tallow? it's rendered beef fat. it's used primarily for cooking, and it's created by slowly melting down fatty tissue from a cow. 

why are people putting it on their skin? so beef tallow is super moisturizing, it's super rich in multiple vitamins, which have different benefits for the skin. people with dry skin love it because it's fixing their lack of oil issue, and it also locks in moisture. i don't mind if people use it on their bodies if they're mega dry. people with eczema and psoriasis love it because it helps with flareups, but that's because it's rich in vitamin D and those conditions are linked to vitamin d deficiency.

why aren't you a big fan of it? so i don't like it for 99% of people because the benefits you do get from it can be achieved through products actually formulated for the face. do NOT use this if you're oily. if you didn't know, fat is OILY and you have plenty of oil! while there is no universal "pore clogger scale", this product has been known to clog pores. you need a certain level of oleic acid and linoleic acid on your skin, and this can throw those off, causing breakouts and of course... oil clogging pores. this acid imbalance can cause irritation for some people. 

there's also NOT A LOT OF STRONG SCIENTIFIC EVIDENCE overall! the benefits you do get from it can be achieved without the other side effects. 

how do you feel about people using it? it's definitely not the worst thing in the world! just know if you get a facial and they use steam... you're gonna smell like burgers and onions lmaooooooooooooo

2.) a shorter skincare routine is better 99.9999% of the time

i know, ironic coming from me. i find that people who use 20 different products daily have more skin issues than someone who uses 5 products. this isn't meaning facials, but the skincare clients use at home daily. half the shit these influencers tell you to buy is USELESS and making your irritation, acne, etc worse. 

here's a basic routine:

cleansing / double cleansing - cleanse twice at night to wash off makeup and spf

exfoliating - use a choice of exfoliant 1-3x weekly at night depending on your skin type

serum - depending on your skin type/concern, use as frequently as needed

moisturizer - every skin type needs a moisturizer! 

spf - use during the day year round

3.) these toners are not necessary 99% of the time

this 100% depends on the product and is not a blanket statement. some toners that are exfoliating can be great, and some can add extra hydration. if your skin needs that and a toner is an easy way for you to get that, great! just don't spend a ton on them in my opinion.

4.) salicylic acid is not the ultimate acne solution

this acid cuts through oil, which is typically the issue. but what if you're dry and acne-prone? acne doesn't have a one-size-fits-all solution. there's a reason there's different types of acids out there. i can explain them in a different post.

5.) stop listening to influencers.

these people don't have esthetics licenses, or cosmetic chemist degrees and they're just out here deciding to make skincare. while they do work with cosmetic chemists to develop these products, they end up being very basic products and you're overpaying for them. influencers are also "swearing by xyz" for their skin and it's often doing absolutely nothing for you lol. or worst case scenario, it's harmful for your skin. let's stick to listening to estheticians and cosmetic chemists.

now, to address the elephant in the room. estheticians are in fact, trying to promote their services. this means they can in fact, lie. i keep my blog no BS, so i will leave some @s of people I LOVE. 

@theegeminiglow <-- esthetician

@strongerskinbyemma_ <-- esthetician

@jc.dombrowski <-- cosmetic chemist

If you've read this far, thank you so much!! I would love any polite discourse on this post or any questions, or post ideas! 

Love you~

xoxo,

cherry

cherry and blair meet | september 2007

 

Apparently Cherry doesn't remember how the hierarchy at Constance works. 

Has spending her entire summer in Europe made her forget that this is queen B's territory and there are rules? You don't steal Blair Waldorf's spotlight. Especially not on your first day.

But when our favorite cherry-colored wildcard waltzes through those hallowed halls wearing last season's secrets like this season's couture, sits at Blair's table, and has the audacity to make Blair Waldorf wait for an introduction? Well, that's not exactly how you earn your stripes, darling.

Word is, B has already decided Cherry needs a lesson in Constance etiquette. The question is, will our new girl bow to the crown, or does she have a little queen complex of her own?

Careful, Cherry. Europe may have taught you how to sip champagne, but Manhattan has a way of reminding a girl that there's always someone who poured it first.

And if Cherry thinks the champagne flows freely at Constance, someone might want to remind her who holds the cork.

You know you love me,

XOXO, Gossip Girl

my current faves

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get out of the damn house!

hey pretty girls ♡

today we're gonna explore some ways you can help romanticize your life, and it's not the same 5 things repeated on tiktok! the best part? you make an impact in the world around you!

1.) volunteering in some capacity

i personally work with a nonprofit that supports local families, specifically moms. we advocate for maternal health improvements/rights, we train doulas, host community baby showers, give out free items once a month (ex diapers, period products, etc), host free classes with resources, and more. we have a website where local providers for moms are listed, such as therapists who specialize in postpartum depression, lactation consultants, midwives, and more.

i actually run their social media for them. i create informational posts and promote events we do. all the donations we get are used for things such as birth funds, doula trainings, keeping classes free to the public, and providing necessities for families in need,

i try to go to as many events as i can but i always work my primary job.

some ideas for your area:

local animal shelters, nursing homes, food pantries, neighborhood cleanups, youth groups, church events, etc.

check out dosomething,.org for more ideas!

2.) go to community events

check out what's going on in your community. i never realized how many events were happening, and a lot of them are free! my area holds seasonal events, specifically around christmas and i'm so excited!

some places to look:

libraries!!! they tend to host so many events even if you're not really into reading! coffee shops, facebook groups, your city's facebook page

3.) start your own thing

this can be as big or as small as you want. if your community is lacking these fun things, who says you can't just go do it yourself? start that book club you yearn for. grab some friends and clean up your local park. make your community/home prettier by starting a garden. the possibilities are endless!

4.) donating / being sustainable / helping in any way you can

i'm definitely not the most eco-friendly or sustainable person on the planet, and i could definitely be better. donating used clothes to those in need really can help. you can sell your gently used clothes on vinted too, and that's still helping the planet! buying second-hand helps fight overconsumption!

don't just automatically throw things away. stop and think, "could someone still use this?"

donating money to nonprofits also helps a ton, way more than you know. this requires no time commitment and you can feel good about helping. if you can't do this, don't worry. every small step helps. for example, follow your local animal shelter on facebook and interact/share their posts. you're helping by boosting their content in algorithms.

5.) voting / being involved in any possible way you can

lastly, be in the loop of what your local politics look like! voting helps real systemic change happen! listen to what your local officials are saying, ask them questions, know who you're voting for. this is of course, if you're old enough to vote. if you're not, no worries! staying informed is still so important.

i hope this motivated you as much as it motivated me! get out of the house, especially as colder weather approaches! this is one of the best ways to combat seasonal depression. we need social interaction.

i'd love to hear what you guys like to do in your communities, or any other additional comments!

love,

cherry

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spotted: cherry ♡ | september 2007

SPOTTED: CHERRY

The girl who turns heads without even trying.

Cherry Laurent.

Heiress to Maison Laurent, the luxury fragrance house that’s been putting its name on the vanities of Manhattan’s elite for generations.

She’s beautiful. She’s impossibly well dressed. And judging by the Laurent townhouse, the family fortune is doing just fine.

But Cherry herself?

Quiet.

Not shy. Not cold. Cherry simply doesn’t speak unless she has something worth saying. Around the Upper East Side, where everyone is desperate to be heard, knowing when to keep quiet is practically a superpower.

And maybe that’s why people find her a little intimidating.

She’s got the money. The looks. The connections.

Yet somehow, those who’ve actually bothered to talk to her will tell you she’s surprisingly sweet.

She remembers names. She holds doors. She’ll compliment your perfume and actually mean it.

Which leaves one question:

What’s a girl like Cherry Laurent hiding behind that perfectly composed smile?

Whatever it is, Manhattan is about to find out.

–XOXO, Gossip Girl